I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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