Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
