I wish I only lived at night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
