i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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