The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
