She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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