you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
