I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you had me at cake vodka
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
did you just send me my own nude
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
