She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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