how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
