Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
