Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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