So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
