dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
