look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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