You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
