Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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