Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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