how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
