I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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