I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
