what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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