I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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