and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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