it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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