im having a threesome with these popsicles
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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