i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
