OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
