so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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