You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
