if i can run in heels then i can drive
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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