i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
