the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
