I wanna bring you to show and tell
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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