I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
