i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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