Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
