I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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