i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
