i just wanna soil my oats bro
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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