So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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