i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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