I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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