That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
