Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
