the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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