I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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