help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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