Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize