Tell her she can't have a vagina
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Terrible idea I love it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
