the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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