so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize