I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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