WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
