# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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