im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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