You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
