plz talk dirty to me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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