its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
