Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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