i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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