I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
