What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
