I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize