So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
